I don't like my computer.
Scratch that. I'm addicted to my computer. It sucks me in. I enjoy that I have a laptop and can set up camp on the kitchen table and not be confined in a room away from my family. I like that I can unleash my creativity through my blog, photography, Photoshop, Blurb, writing and all that other digital artsy-fartsy stuff. It gives me an outlet to re-charge my batteries and identify myself when those "I'm a crazy lady and need a break" moments come up. I find it amusing to wander around Pinterest, catch up on Facebook, read the latest news on Yahoo! or simply kick back to a friend's latest Blog post. I love the convenience of the world at my fingertips - that even though I live in a small community I have access to anything I {think that I} need. :O)
All that is great. But it's time consuming and that's the problem. I don't have enough time. I constantly feel like I'm running late {by 10 minutes, pretty religiously. It's almost sad that I'm "that person". Sigh. Working on it!!!}, always feel like I've dropped the ball on at least one thing and never feel like the efforts I make are good enough.
Don't get me wrong, this post is NOT to whine. I'm not having a pity party, honest. This is leading up to a realization, an epiphany if you will that I have had. I need to weed out the "good" and only leave the "great". I need to prioritize. If I dread getting on my computer, then that's me telling me that I spend too much time on it. I know that as soon as it turns on, my self control struggles to stay afloat. It's pathetic, but that's my confession. I can literally spend hours here, exhausting myself to the very core - emotionally, physically... I'm like a zombie, a short-tempered walking dead person.
Adopting Marcus has been such a blessing. I took a vacay from my addiction and was able to see from the distance how bad it was, how little I actually enjoyed it {or at least the consequences of it}, and how little I really needed my daily "fix" of cyberspace. At first I craved plugging back in, but now... I literally dread turning this frienemy on. It's crazy that I'm still plowing through feelings of thinking I'm "so behind" and "such a failure" that I haven't blogged in so long or updated my status. There is so much more to who I am and who I want to be than my cyberself. And 2 of those things are watching Super Why while I write this post. I should be there, huddled under Maelee's purple butterfly blanket with them, waiting to solve the question with my super readers.
By being there, my dear reader, is why I haven't been on top of my posting. I've been letting go of THIS for THAT. THAT is where I belong. THAT is where I want to be and THAT... is the truth.
3 comments:
Funny...you are not alone! I think there are many of us trying to break away from something or another. I usually tell myself to get certain things done before I jump on the web...it almost always leaves me with zero Internet time, which in my book has also been a good thing...although we still have our moments :) I think it feels like happiness via freedom to not be the computers slave. Good luck! Btw-You are an awesome mommy! You have a lucky bunch of kiddos!
So could you, like, give up showering or something so that you have time to write on here? I mean really, quit thinking of your need to not smell and think of my desperate need to see and read about those kids of yours that live too far away. K. Thanks. Love, yours truly.
Ha ha, don't give in to Taytum, for the sake of us who do live here! :) I'm stuck in "I have 10 minutes to check my email & facebook" and thats it. So, I am so behind on my blog, but you've inspired me . . . :)
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