I'm Having A Thought...

I pretty much suck at juggling.  I've never been one to just whip my hand up and catch a ball, that's why I pretty much sucked at sports.  And yet I'm finding myself lately with so many balls in the air and no clear way to keep them going without wounding myself and those around me by my pathetic attempts and flailing limbs.

I need to {gently} drop some balls.

It's hard to know what things in life are just "good" and not "great", ya know?  And yet we've been counseled by wiser men to let the "good" things go to focus on the "great".  While I TOTALLY agree with said advice, I find myself stuck between many rocks and many hard places: be a better mom or a better wife?  A better friend or better at finding my own peace?  Better at my calling or better at photography?  Better with the budget or a better chef?  Healthier or simpler?  Calmer or more on top of it?  Craftier or more focused?

My patriarchal blessing tells me to beware of the good things in the world because the evil one can manipulate even those things people often consider to be good and worthy to serve his purposes in deceiving us and destroying families.  Whoa.

I need to {gently} drop some balls.

I've thought about it, prayed about it, debated the answer I got, flat out rejected it actually, and finally relented and came back around to the one thing that makes the most sense to let go of - the one thing that stresses me out more than anything else in my life right now {and no, it's not my husband or kids... although they do run a pretty close second some days!!}:

My photography business.

*Sigh*

I've been so torn on this one for SO many reasons - this is supposed to be my creative release!  My outlet from the humdrum of the same day in and day out of every day life!  This is a way to identify myself and set me apart from my peers, a way to earn extra money and give myself some much needed freedom in a controlled way... 

But it's just not anymore.  I'm tired.  It stresses me out to get paid first and THEN have to do the work.  I'm such a perfectionist that it takes me dozens of hours per shoot to edit because I want every last miniscule detail just so.  And it's not like being a photographer makes me special - EVERYONE has a nice camera.  EVERYONE takes amazing pictures!  8 years ago when I started there were like 5 of us in this valley of 40,000ish people.  Now there are closer to 50.  And they're all pretty great!!  Ugh, and I get SO STRESSED out knowing there are people waiting on me to get their memories back that I can't fully enjoy ANYthing I do, ESPECIALLY focus on my own family's pictures.  I avoid getting my camera out because I know I'll never have the time to do anything with the images I capture.  THAT SUCKS.  I hate it.  I hate that something I love and identify with so much, has become a constant dark place in my mind and in my life.  But I need a way to earn extra money to pay for school clothes, Christmas presents, gymnastics, dance, choir, soccer, little league, sports gear, shoes, clothes for myself, books, random crap on Amazon, eating out when I just can't bring myself to cook dinner or something as simple as a fountain drink on a road trip.

But, if I stop now, am I done?  I mean, if I take a step back I will lose clients that I will NEVER be able to get back like school sports teams, town sports leagues, families I've worked with for 8 years, etc. Am I really ok with that?  Is there something else I can do to earn some extra money on the side and yet still let a HUGE stress go without adding a new one?

I hope so.  I really feel like there is.  Maybe I'll make and sell crafty crap on Facebook.  Maybe.  Maybe I'll get into meal planning and prep for others, or finally write some of the books tucked away in my brain and get lucky and become a millionaire by selling the movie rights {hahaha!!!}.  But, you never know.  Whatever it is, I feel really good about this decision.  Weirdly excited to be honest!  Almost giddy.  I'll limit myself this fall and be done for the most part (still do sessions for family and friends because I do still love it, and will hopefully love it more when it's back to being a hobby and not a business) by the end of November.  Just writing it and putting it out there already feels like I've let a huge burden go.

Balls {gently} dropped.

So... I'm a total slacker.

I know, big surprise eh? :O)

I was shocked when I found out too. Sad day really... It actually was a pretty sad day, one of my friend's husbands died last night and it's been a reality rocker for me. I have cried a good chunk of today and I'm sure Marcus now thinks I'm some weird leaky faucet. It just doesn't make any sense to me and I'm really struggling with it. Clint took the girls on a "Daddy-Daughter" camp-out and it was hard to let him go, which triggered the emotional retard in me so that after I said goodbye I actually curled up on the couch with a huge bowl of ice cream and watched a few episodes of Psych just to have an hour or so of detachment.

Luckily for me, my friend Kachelle and her husband just adopted a sweet baby girl and I had the pleasure of taking her newborn photos and they needed to be finished today so that gave me a few more hours of keeping my mind occupied... somewhat. BUT, {getting to the point of this post now} working on those pictures got me thinking of something that's been nagging me a LOT lately and since Marcus was sleeping, the house was quiet and I needed something else to stay distracted with, I FINALLY finished editing Marcus' newborn photos!! Aren't you proud of this slacker Mama?? I am - you have NO idea!!

-SO- since I really feel like I need a pick-me-up I'm going to post my favorites for you :O)








 

Hard to imagine that he was ever seriously that small!!  Especially when THIS is that little boy now...

   
Dad GUM I love my kids!  They make life so much easier... when I'm not wanting to thump on them!  LOL  I'm off to bed, hope you enjoyed my slew of pictures.  Cheered me up :O)  'Night

Breakdown

So...

I believe that anyone who still follows this blog {I constantly hear "Facebook killed the Blogger star" run through my mind - to the tune of "Video killed the Radio star" LOL}, you may have noticed that I like to post a million pictures of my family and our many adventures together. The problem is that if I post a million, then I TAKE roughly a trillion. It really is a problem. First, they take forever to upload to my computer. Second, it takes hours to sort through them all and pick the ones that make the cut. Third it takes hours to edit them because I'm so darn picky. Fourth, it then takes far too long to run my web resize action on every picture so that it doesn't take all night to upload my precious images. Fifth, I don't like long posts {pshaw you're thinking but it's true} so I try to save them all in a slideshow to minimize my post length for your enjoyment.

Hmmmm...

Yeah, it's a problem.

Good news, I'm learning to streamline my picture-taking-and-narrowing-down process, and am trying to not worry so much about each picture being perfect before being posted.  Whew!  Hours of work zapped!!  Next, I finally broke down.  I have been using Photoshop 7 to edit my pictures...  For those of you who have NO CLUE what that means, Photoshop 7 is 10 years old.  In photo editing, that's ANCIENT!  I have been dragging my feet on upgrading because for the price of the upgrade I could buy a new lens or some other fun toy for my camera {or get it fixed, whoops!} but I finally hit my breaking point.  No, I didn't drop hundreds of dollars and buy the newest version, I actually settled for a used version of CS2 {which is still 7 years old BUT listen to what it can do that I couldn't before}.  I have reasons for going with such an old version and they all make sense in my head I promise :O) but my biggest reason for the upgrade?  Batch Process.

Eh?

I can now run an action {a pre-set order of editing steps} on a group of pictures instead of running the action one at a time on each picture.  I know for all the photo editing gurus out there this is nothing big, and I've known about it for years I just didn't want to upgrade when I was perfectly happy with the software I had... well, maybe not PERFECTLY happy but happy enough.

Where is all this leading?  To my hopeful promise that I should be able to get my millions of pictures ready to upload and posted in MUCH less time now.  Yay!!  See what I do for you, my dear reader?  Always thinking of you {aw!}.  Aaaaaand, you may be wondering what group of pictures did I test this "new" trick on?...

 Marcus rolled over!!!! I was taking pictures of how well he has started to hold his head up, snap snap snap and suddenly he was on his back. Total inspiration yo and SO glad I was able to catch it! Has he done it again? Nope. Was it probably an accident? Yep. Don't matter! My baby is growing up!!!!!!!!

Walking Zombie

I know it may sound graphic, but you know those Nazi Zombies on that Call of Duty game?  Yeeeeeah.  I know how they feel {except for the whole hatred toward humanity bit.  I may have the episode of road rage now and then but I don't think that qualifies!!}!

It's the busy season for photography and man ALIVE have I been busy!  I have been glued to my computer for an average of 2-3 hours a day.  And luckily Clint doesn't mind when I have to be on the comp at night, he's recently rekindled his love for HALO on XBOX Live with his friends {that was a genius invention I have to say!  I'm really lucky in that Clint plays in moderation and stops even live games to help with the girls if they wake up.  And it's nice because he gets that guy time while still being home.  I get to work without feeling like I'm ditching him and he gets to play without feeling like he's ditching me... works for us!  Don't worry, we're not loner-do-our-own-things kinda married folks all the time!  We still snuggle up and watch movies or our fave TV shows a few times a week... just less frequently during my busy season!  Ha ha}.  It's my own fault for being so overwhelmed with clients - I'm still learning to say "no".  It's just super hard when I have that moment of "but I could use the money for this and this!"  Really makes that "no" word foreign to my vocab.  LOL

I'm shooting a wedding this weekend which I'm kinda stressing over, and so I wanted all my previous shoots edited and CD's delivered beforehand so they wouldn't be hanging over my head.  Well, when you're a total doofus like I am and schedule FOUR SHOOTS in ONE WEEK and only allow 3 days to edit... let's just say that I got on my computer yesterday morning at 8 and wasn't finished until 10:30 last night.  Combine that with being up until 11ish for the previous week and a half working on OTHER shoots...

Enter the walking zombie.

Can I just say that I'm ready for my winter break?  LOL

On a MUCH happier note, Rebecca and her mom came to visit us this last Tuesday and it was a really great day!  They got here right around noon and we grilled some Mango Chicken with Mango and Black Bean Salsa {minus the black beans... I forgot to put them in LOL}, YUM!!  We chilled for a bit and then took them on a tour of our neck of the woods.  Our first stop was the local hamburger and ice cream shop for some much needed dessert {gotta say that having braces really slows down eating the cone}, then around the valley.  Madi had a science thing at the library and Maelee fell asleep so the last hour or so of our visit was relaxed grown-up talk.  I spent all last week painting baby brother's room and had ordered a crib bedding set which thankfully showed up about 30 minutes before they left.  I was SO excited to get to share that with Rebecca.  She helped me pull it all out of the box, set it all up on his crib and hang the curtains.  That was so special for me to get to have her here, by my side putting those boyish touches on our little boy's room.  I took a break from the computer and hung the fun wall hangings this morning that came with it and cleared off the top of his dresser {currently my craft dresser} and the top drawer.  I'm going to wait until next month before I bring in the clothes I have in the shed {no reason to wash them twice before he comes!} then after the showers we'll be having next month I'll know what I still need to be totally ready for his much anticipated arrival!  SO EXCITING!!

The girls are still SO giddy over their "baby brudder" and talk about him ALL the time.  Madi for a while there wanted to name him "James" because she had a crush on a kid named that in her class.  :O)  I nixed that one cuz I knew the poor kid would NEVER live it down if he were named after Madi's temporary Kindergarten crush.  LOL  {She actually has a new "boyfriend" now... his name is Harley and evidently they hold hands while they read books in class during free time.  She came home all grins the other day and told me that on the seesaw she and Harley had decided that they were going to get married when they grow up.  "In the Temple, right Madi?"  "Well of COURSE Mom!"  "So you think he's your prince, huh?"  "No Mom.  I'm not a princess, I'm Madison!  Just Madison!"  Oh, sorry!  My bad!  Kinda surprised she hasn't declared that we name her baby brother "Harley" yet!  Ha ha LOVE IT!}.  No, we don't have a name yet.  Clint hasn't heard one he's crazy about yet.  :O(  Oh well, cest la vie!!  I told him that if he doesn't start liking the names I suggest then I will follow the Little Red Hen's example and "do it myself!"  LOL

Well, life is pretty great - exhausting - but great!

Holy WOW cow!!

I mean that with all the fiber of my being.

I am sorry for the slacker-off-er-ing of my blog posting.  I have had 15 photo shoots in the last 6 weeks and have 3 more this week!  NOW you understand the "WOW", eh?  :O)  It's keeping me busy and has totally thrown off my sleeping schedule... Instead of going to bed around 9 I've turned back into the night owl I was before I had wee ones.  11:30pm is about the norm nowadays.  Thank heavens my girls have been sleeping in until 8!!!!!!!  LOL

I love it though, {not the staying up late part} I'm having SO MUCH FUN with these pictures I've been taking and with the whole photog business part of my life.  It's been just enough to re-charge my Tiffany batteries, enough of a break from being Mom that I really look forward to finishing up my editing and spending the Holidays spoiling my girls with attention.  I think everyone needs that once in a while, you know?  Click here to see what I've been able to post so far of the chaos that has been Simply Photography!

Halloween was super fun this year, I made the girls matching lady bug costumes!  They were frickin' adorable in their wings and skirts {which will double as their Christmas dresses, how smart and thrifty am I?!}.  I saw the idea in Pottery Barn, and their costumes were $70!  EACH!!  Just for the wings and skirts!  I made both girls', with fabric to spare and having bought a shirt for Maelee and a leotard for Madi and their skirts, for under $20.  GO ME!  LOL

We went to the trunk-or-treat and they had a blast dancing, singing, twirling, getting candy, riding the train ride {Madi rode a horse-train that bounced her all over the place!  Her curls were priceless boinging like that!}, and eating cotton candy.  Love my nerdy children!  

I know there was something else I was going to post about but my brain is fried.  Love to all and hope you're doing well!

::She's Here!!::

I don't know exactly why she's a she, but she is.  Maybe because she's so beautiful.  Maybe because she's so expensive.  Maybe because I know she's going to take up a lot of my time from now on...  It may be possible that all of the above reasons are true, but at any rate, she's a she and she's HERE!

Meet my new baby, my Canon EOS 40D and EF 50mm f/1.8 lens.  The strap is the coolest camera strap in the universe and compliments of my dad ~ it was his for years and years and years and he has graciously passed it on for my girl to wear.  Touched Photography is officially up and running!  Woohoo!

Oh Boy! Did I just do that?!

I just bought my camera.  I did. 
I saved for it.
I earned it.
I just spent a lot of money on it.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Nervous?  Yes.
Excited?  Yes.
Surprised that Clint is OK with me spending $?  Yes.

Oh, boy.  I did it!  I know that tomorrow I'll be so stoked about it, but right now I'm still in that queasy, "I just spent how much?!" phase. 

I'll post a picture of it next week when I get it {and probably lots of cheesy pics of me with it with a huge grin on my face}, but until then... I think I need some alka-seltzer and a cool cloth on my forehead!!!!!

Aaaaaah. Catch up, again…

This post is like, 6 combined so to keep it all clear, I'm going to do mini headings. It should help keep all of us from getting too confused! :0)

Prayers for the Haban Family

2 weeks ago one of our friends faced a horrible tragedy, her husband passed away from Lupus. They got married the day after Clint and I did, only 5 years ago. I've known Jami since high school and we've both known Kameron since college. It's been a difficult thing to watch and read about on their blog and it was stirred the emotions we felt when we lost Clint's younger brother J.T. to a lightening strike 3 years ago. There has been an account established for Jami and their son, Kason, to help pay for medical bills, funeral expenses and hopefully give them something to start over with. Please visit their blog kamandjami.blogspot.com for more informaition and to donate - even if you don't know them. Anything will help them in this devestating time. Please keep them in your prayers, she is only 24 and their son is 2 1/2.

Happy 2 Months Keahi!!

Yes, Keahi is 2 months old already! Actually, 2 1/2! The time flies by in the form of naps, diaper changes, bottles, hugs, kisses, and smiles. Last week she had a 5 night stretch where she slept amazingly well, anywhere from 7 - 9 hours! Her naps were regular and so were her feeding times. Before that, I was getting so frustrated that she was only sleeping at the most 6 hours at night, but she was taking a 5-6 hour nap during the day. I remembered with Madison we had to regulate her metabolism before she would sleep through the night, so I tried it with Keahi. I woke her up from her long (heavenly) nap so that she wasn't going longer than 4 1/2 hours between feedings during the day, and within a few days she was sleeping all night! Ah! Blissful sleep! Of course, as anyone who has a baby knows, just when you think you have everything all figured out SOMETHING changes! She had her first round of shots last week and the Rotavirus one has REALLY thrown a kink in things. I'm hoping the effects will wear off in the next week or so, poor kid and poor Mommy! She weighs 14 pounds, 25 1/4 inches long and is WAY off the charts for both!! Our doctor said that she holds herself and is as alert as a 4 month-old baby! She is wearing 3-6 and 6-9 month clothes and laughs at everything. She loves her daddy the best and still brings such a sweet spirit into our home. We love her SO much and are SO grateful for the opportunity to be her family.

Our Hula Dancer

So, Madison has been doing this dance lately. She wraps necklaces around her wrists, then twists and wiggles and shakes and moves her whole body in a very... fluid(?) dance. I had NO idea what she was doing or WHERE ON EARTH she learned to dance like that, I figured it was maybe the cha-cha and she had learned it at dance class... well, I was wrong. The other night she was dancing and turned around and shook her tush. I laughed and asked her, "Did you just shake your booty at me?" "Yeah Mom! I shook my buns like Kiki!" She grinned so big and kept right on dancing. THEN it donned on me! She's been Hula dancing like Kiki and her family did at the luau a few weeks back! It's amazing to me that not only did she remember how they danced, but that they had things on their wrists too! So, Kiki and family, be proud. Madi is Hula dancing for Keahi!

Here's the video of Kiki shakin' her booty at the luau

here's the video of her cousin Tee Hula dancing

and here's Madison's version!

Our Visit with Kiki

2 weekends ago we visited Kiki and her family in their home. It was such a fun visit! Very relaxed and let me just say their house is AWESOME! Madi made herself right at home - found the swimming pool, stripped down and hopped in! (Modesty, child?) That's my girl! Later, Kiki's cousin Sarah introduced Madison to the joys of sliding down a staircase on a slippery blanket! She had a BLAST! We are really looking forward to having them visit us on our home turf!

Projects

I have this huge list of things I want to get finished, the first of which was get Keahi's crib set up and then put the girls' names above their beds in vinyl with "Daughter of God" over it. They turned out so cute! Another was refinish the hope chest and dresser in our room. They took a few days longer than I would have liked, but the breeze outside would NOT stop so I got stuck for a while. (It's one of those love/hate things! The breeze is SO nice, but SO inconvenient when you're painting!) I did finish them though and am SO happy with the end results!

the hope chest before

the hope chest after

the dresser before

the dresser after

All's Fair in... Daddy-Daughter Battles?
Clint attacked Madi after dance the other day. After the initial wrestling match, he decided he wanted to be Mulan and use Karate to defeat his prey. He advanced, Madi defended (and then ran screaming) and Keahi watched, VERY entertained! She laughed and grinned at every scream, "Hiya!" and tackle. I love my kids! (Yes, Clint is grouped in there too!) Later, Madi and Keahi had some sister time watching Veggie Tales while I worked on dinner. Gotta love the Bumbo (the chair Keahi is sitting in)!!

Photography

Last, (but not least for me!) I have always wanted to get into photography. My dream job is to have a studio in my home where I can make my own schedule, do what I love and still be a full-time Mom. It's always been one of those "someday that would be nice" kind of dreams, but I have a few friends who have started doing it and are having a blast with it. I've looked at their blogs, done some research and have decided to jump-start my dream! It will take a while to get there because I still need to save my pennies for the camera I want (plus all the other doohickies that come along with it!), but I figure that in the mean time I can learn more about being a photographer, exactly what I'll want/need to get started, doing edits, overlays and filters and all that jazz! I am SO excited and I'm sure that Clint is ready to throttle me for all my excitement but that's ok. I'm hoping that within the next 6 months I can have enough saved for my camera and maybe a few lenses to get me started. Any pics I post that have my little logo on them have been edited and I'm starting a new blog for it (aztouchedphotography.blogspot.com) that for now I'll post the new edits I'm learning and if anyone has any ideas or feedback I would love it! This is something I've wanted to do for years and I'm scared, nervous and absolutely thrilled to be starting (well, saving up to start!).
Wish me luck as I bring Touched Photography to life!

Photoshop and Dance Recital

I have been having probably too much fun with Photoshop lately and wanted to show off the result of Madi's most recent nap times...

I love the color of her eyes in this one, so here's a close up. And no, I didn't change the color, those really are her eyes!

And here are some picutres of Madison's dance recital last Saturday. It was so flippin' cute! She was adorable and SO fun to watch! I wish we had a better view of her and that I had brought my tripod to steady the camera... live and learn!